News:
I totally forgot to mention it, but the Digital Art Masters book is now out. I have a tutorial in there–a more in-depth version of the Scythe Wolf tutorial than what’s available on my website (it has a lot more text explaining the steps in more detail, but fewer step-by-step pictures–which is fine because you can get the extra pictures from my website). The book is available here.
Weblog:
I’ve been listening to audio books while painting lately, and it’s been great–I feel like I’m accomplishing two things at once. I prefer non-fiction titles on science, philosophy, history..etc, because I haven’t been satisfied with the fictional works I’ve read in the last few years. I mean, I can get into the stories and characters, and some of the talented writers have prose styles so beautiful you’d want to savor every word, but I haven’t read anything that’s truly moved me in a profound manner for a long time now. So, if I can’t get the kind of emotional immersion I crave out of the books, I might as well gain knowledge from them.
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Ok, if you have a weak stomach, don’t read the rest of this blog entry because I’m going to get disgustingly syrupy for a bit.
Recently, Elena and I have noticed that more and more people around us are going about it the wrong way when it comes to finding happiness in love. They’d come to us for relationship advice because they see how well we get along, but they don’t listen to our advice because they have different values to begin with. What’s worse, they sometimes accuse us of being too idealistic. Well duh, how can you find real happiness if you are jaded, selfish, and cynical? These people have unrealistic expectations for their mates, but never once questioned if they themselves possessed the qualities their mates expected–in fact most are delusional and think too highly of themselves. On the other end of the spectrum, there are ones who settle for too little–abusive husbands, cheating wives, glaring personality incompatibilities, drastic differences in values and priorities..etc. When we point out the problems, they simply say, “Well, not everyone can be as lucky as you two.”
Technically, they’re probably right. You can watch out for all those things and still never find the right person–he/she could just pass you by on the street one day and neither of you will ever know. Even if you don’t believe in soulmates, it’s still a daunting task to find someone who’s compatible to the point where you could have a lifetime of happiness together. My sister’s almost forty but still single, and she’s a damn good catch. If there’s one thing you can’t force or work hard to get, it’s finding the right mate. You can study hard and get a degree, work hard and get a promotion, practice hard and become good at something, but when it comes to relationships, it’s probably the hardest thing in the world (except for maybe politics)–sometimes, the missing incredient is simply luck. This is why Elena and I feel like we hit the jackpot.
Often, others (particularly older relatives with failed marriages) feel it’s their obligation to warn us that “romance doesn’t last” and that we’ll have to “face reality one day.” Nothing annoys us more because we never really went through that whole “dazzling romantic phase.” As far as we could remember, we’ve always just been honest and sincere with each other, and having started living together since our fourth date then spending pretty much the past five and a half years together almost 24/7, there was never any room for unrealistic and bloated “starry-eyed romance” between us. What we have is simply the desire to be happy together, and the willingness to make it work. We’re not naive though–we know very well we totally lucked out, as it’s been proven that being with someone else wouldn’t yield nearly such a satisfying result. In a way, having had some real clunkers in our individual pasts only makes us appreciate each other more. We never take our frustrations out on each other. We never say horrible things out of anger. We always try to see things from the other person’s perspective. We always try to protect the other person first, asking if somehow one of us had done something to hurt the other. We always ask ourselves how we could make things even better, or prevent potential bad things from getting between us. Most of all, we are always aware of how much we appreciate each other, and how terrible life would be if we were to be torn apart.
Sometimes I just think maybe Elena is a saint and can tolerate my glaring faults like no other. Either way, I’m a lucky bastard and I know it. If you ask her, she’d claim that she’s the lucky one and that God brought me to her because she’s been a good person all her life. Okokokok, I can sense your gag reflex kicking in. I’ll stop. 😀
Awwwww…. not a thing wrong with your thinking! How wonderful. 🙂 No gag reflex working here!
Just proof that there are always exceptions to generalized relationship advice. Congratulations on being honest and following your hearts. Yes, we “older relative” types sometimes don’t get it when it comes to younger generations. Usually, we’re just trying to protect the people we love (but many of us really need to learn to do a better job at listening).
Luise – I totally understand that everyone means well. What usually happens is that they don’t take into consideration that we all have different personalities, dreams, priorities, values, morals, and life experiences, and when you don’t agree with their point of view, they see it as you being “young and naive” or “rebellious and foolish”. The best advice from the wise older folks have always been the ones that encompass all walks of life–universal truths, it you will. The bad advice are always the ones that come from subjective dispositions and experiences, because they only apply to people like themselves. I can’t tell you how many people’s lives I know that were completely ruined by oppressive parents that demanded their children to be just like them and live by their values. Suicides have resulted from such parenting, and parents like that never admit to being wrong until they are standing at the tombstone of their child.
If only the whole human race would just listen to each other more and empathize more with one another, we’d be *that* much closer to the elusive utopia. Unfortunately, the arrogance and selfishness of Homo sapiens…well, you know.